Info

Writer, Editor, Designer

Apparently ten years ago, I wrote an acrostic?

 A Message From God

Attention Inhabitants of Earth!

My message to you must be heard
Earnestly spread from this day forth!
Say I to you that you must go!
Sunday shall be the last day,
As you pack and you pray,
Groveling won’t help because
Evicted from Earth you are today!

Fail to heed this warning you may,
Rot in hellish flames on Monday,
Or delay your timely excursion, do not!
My vengeance is powerful and you are not!

Good tidings I bless and send to you,
On your new planet, the home you must move,
Deliver to me your keys and your deposit you recoup.

I have no memory of writing this. Weird.

Regarding portrayals of women in fiction, Junot Diaz said, “Unless you are actively, consciously working against the gravitational pull of the culture, you will predictably, thematically, create these sort of fucked-up representations.” If you’re not actively subverting the sexist/racist/homophobic status quo of our culture, you’re likely reinforcing it. And it’s the duty of any writer worth their salt to do so. Subvert, transform, transmute the shit of our culture into gold. And it’s hard work and it’s not easy. There’s a fine line between accurately representing a racist culture and reinforcing that racism. Just ask Dave Chappelle. One of the advantages of a workshop-centric MFA program is that you have the opportunity to learn these lessons before you start putting your sexist/racist/etc stories out into the world.

A few weeks ago, a to-remain-nameless writer in our program wrote a story in which there was a borderline racist portrayal of a character. (The only black character in the story is the one with all of the problems; everyone else in the story are white saviors. Oh, and her skin is described using food terms.)

So we spend—at the most—five minutes saying that yeah, that’s problematic, when you write about marginalized groups, you have to be careful not to stereotype, do your research, avoid racist tropes, maybe read Writing the Other, et cetera. You know, general helpful things that any aspiring writer should know before sticking their uneducated, privileged, white foot in their mouth.

Fast forward to aforementioned writer’s next story. Universally panned as a terrible: the plot is incoherent and illogical and there is no arc nor character development. There are no physical descriptions of people, nor are there any gender pronouns (which could have been a great experiment but hang on—), because all of the characters are only described as food items and their behavior never stretched beyond their food moniker. (For instance, a nice and sweet character would be named after a candy bar, that sort of shortcut.) We are baffled by the story and the writer’s general incompetence.

The writer informs us later, after we’d workshopped it, trying our damnedest to find something constructive to say, something to salvage in this trainwreck of a story, that the whole thing was basically a fuck-you to our workshop for “wasting twenty minutes harping on” their black character in the previous story. A childish “Oh you don’t like that I described someone as food . . . I’ll describe everyone as food!” retaliation. Needless to say, everyone was pissed that this writer would waste our time in such a way, wasting a precious workshop opportunity on what’s basically a 101-level, getting-called-out-on-your-racism, temper-tantrum.

Want to piss off your entire workshop, the community of writers whose support, advice, insight, et cetera, et cetera, you’re paying an ungodly amount of money for? Want to take a big steaming dump on an opportunity to learn, to grow, to avoid filling the world with more racist bullshit? This is how you do it.

This fall I’m going to be teaching an undergraduate class, an introduction to fiction writing. Which is a whole new level of badassery I can barely understand nor contain. There’s a tiny part of me that still squeaks, “Who the hell are you to teach anyone anything about writing!” I don’t listen to that voice much. Mostly because it’s like the one guy who says something sarcastic when the room is the loudest because he doesn’t think anyone else can hear him. I should know. I’m that guy.

The rest of me is ridiculously excited and has been planning a syllabus in my head since I got the news. It is amazing how night-and-day my attitude to teaching fiction is compared to teaching composition. I realize I give zero shits about composition and rhetoric. Maybe I don’t appreciate it because it’s something I’ve always been pretty good at, whereas with fiction, it’s something I love that I’ve had to work spine-crushingly hard at to get where I am. Maybe it’s ego, maybe it’s love, maybe it’s Maybelline.

But yeah. I’m going to be teaching fiction writing. I’m going to be constructing my own canon. I get to decide what to teach, what stories get read, showcase what I think is important about literature and storytelling.

Shit, I just scared myself.

If I understand this correctly, for some writers, the revision process is like a dog eating its own poop.  Because there’s still nutrients in it. So then they poop out an even more refined poop.  And the dog will keep doing it until there’s nothing left to get out of the poop or until its master tells it to stop. That master is publication. That’s when you stop eating the poop.

This also sheds an interesting light on literary critics, who would then be likened to scientists who use the microscopes and mass spectrometers of literary theory to figure out what the poop is made of.

Gross.

Hey kids,

So another semester has started and this time I’m teaching. Yes sir, teaching wee freshmen to write papers in clear, logical, efficient ways so their future professors and TAs don’t tear out their hair.

On one hand, I’m doing a service because good writing is a rarity, so much so that I’m pretty positive that a number of my papers scored quite high because of the strength of my writing and not the strength of my arguments.

On the other hand, by teaching these people to write better, I am depriving TAs of silly, stupid papers to mock. What are they going to share, laugh at, and spill beer on when they’re grading term papers at the bar? Who am I to take away one of the few perks of a teaching assistantship?

(You know, besides the opportunity to develop their pedagogy, teaching experience, tuition remission, a decent stipend, health insurance, et cetera.)

Despite my usual anxiety of social situations, teaching isn’t so bad. If you plan, things are structured in a way that I can prevent the most anxious situations. Maybe I just have a good group, but there’s a lot of class camaraderie already and they seem to grasp the material, soI can’t be too shitty, right?

However, teaching does take up a significant amount of time and lengthens the completion time of your degree. However, getting an MFA in fiction doesn’t exactly set you up for a job as CEO of a Forbes 500 Story Corporation, so teaching might be a fantastic opportunity to stay engaged with your field (WORDS!) while digging your secret tunnel from the jail cell of obscurity to the freedom of book sales and accolades.

I’ll keep you apprised of my writing progress and see how much teaching really affects my productivity.

Until then!